Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Trending now...

And this is why women have body issues!!! Trending topics! It makes you think who are the losers at home causing these to be trending topics? Well, me I guess if I'm looking at them too. Oops!

Trending topics right now on Yahoo:

Audrina Patridge Wows in a Teeny Bikini - what gets me about this story is the comments people leave & how angry they are; "She's gross, too thin, too fat, her boobs are fake, the right one looks bigger than the left, she has a stomach pooch, why's she even famous?" Hilarious considering every average American man would give his right arm to be with her & every average American woman wants to be her... That's why she's famous people because of you & No other reason!!!
A woman who's in shape in a bikini at a pool, has she no shame?! She needs to cover up with at least 50 pounds of fat!
Gisele Bundchen expects baby #2 - comments; "she looks like a man, she's fat, she's too skinny, finally she looks a little bit more like a normal person, I don't think she's pretty at all." Obese people of America don't get mad at her, take your anger out on the treadmill or in a spinning class, use your burning hatred of these people to burn some calories!
She's a supermodel & you're not. Don't hate, appreciate!
And my favorite trending topic right now:

Depression  - LOL, no wonder people are depressed with all the comments people leave, they sure as sugar don't seem happy & self-accepting to me. And as a woman what are we supposed to do with comments that pick apart every inch of beautiful women's bodies. "You're too fat, you're too thin!" My advice stop listening!
Don't cry, girl! They don't mean it, Gisele is beautiful!
There's been a lot of debate online about women's weight & it's all pretty nasty & annoying. There is a healthy weight range & if you're 40 pounds outside of that in either direction... you're not healthy!

I say be healthy, but honestly be healthy, eat right, talk to your doctor & exercise daily. And on the bright-side you don't have to worry about running into any of those nasty commenters at the gym, they don't leave their house, I'm sorry, I mean mom's basement.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Facebook Face!

Is staring down at your smartphone, updating your status making you ugly? Yes, yes it is!

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, out of the goodness of their hearts & with no ulterior motives, warn of the dreaded “smartphone face!” Constantly holding your head down to look at a laptop or smartphone may cause facial skin and muscle to lose elasticity, aka you'll be ugly & no one will love you...ever!

Look at the dreaded peril it has plagued on our youth! According to The Plastic Surgeons they're hideous & perfect candidates for skin-tightening treatments and chin implants!

"Damn you iphone! Damn you!"
"Can you see it if I go like this?!"
"I used to be a ladies man, now I'm just a victim of smartphone face!"
"3 months ago I was a stud but now, thanks to iphone, not even my own mother will look at me!"
"Smartphone face?! Nooooooooo"

"Compassion? Guess I better be nice, I mean who'd love a chin like this?!"
"You like my stripes? They really distract from my chins...damn it why'd I mention my chins?!"

"I stared at my iphone so much my eyes crossed & my jowls went loose! Why wasn't I warned? WHY?!"

"I'll never find a man with my sagging jowls! Plastic Surgeons please help!"

Plastic Surgeons, let me say thank you for protecting our youth from sagging jowls & ugliness!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

July 4th from an Immigrant's POV

I moved to America when I was 8 & the best thing about this country... TV! A TV in every room & you don't have to fear the TV Tax Man, now that's the American Dream! For those of you who don't know what a TV Tax man is, you're lucky! 

"TV Tax Man! The TV Tax Man is coming!"
In Ireland if you own a TV set you have to pay a possession tax. And they are serious about it, they send Inspectors out to do house to house checks. This would send the neighborhood into a frenzy, kids would run up & down the street screaming "TV Tax Man, the TV Tax Man is coming!" And all the adults would run inside & cover their TV sets with whatever they could find. 

"In Ireland it is a prosecutable offense to be found in possession of an unlicensed television set. An Irish TV license costs €160 . Fines for not having a license can be up to €635 for a first offense."

"Now, they'll never see that we have a TV!"
Thank you America for protecting the sanctity of TV! God Bless America! 

Happy 4th of July!

Sunday, July 1, 2012


Every woman I know is rushing out to see "Magic Mike" & the reviews are in... "Best movie ever" Sure the story line may be lacking but who needs a story line when you have Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey & Joe Manganiello gyrating around half naked.

Women are getting all worked up & I predict what I can only call the "Magic Mike Effect"
In April when we see a record number of births we'll know why! Thank you "Magic Mike"

 + 9 months =