Friday, December 7, 2012

Grossest Ingredients in Food

They say you are what you eat. Let's hope not because there's some nasty shit hiding in our food! This is a list of some of the grossest things you didn't realize you were eating.

It's used as a flavoring agent & often found in ice-cream. What is it you ask? It's poop, yup animal feces. Enjoy!
Hold on this is ice-cream tastes like shit!
An amino acid dough conditioner and flavor enhancer in human and pet foods. It's found in breads, bagels & apparently in almost everything at McDonalds. What is it? Human hair! Although duck feathers or hog hair were used when the human hair supply was low. Oh yes, the great hair shortage 06, which coincidentally, fell around the same time as the Rogaine shortage.
And you taught 1 hair in your food was bad!
Used as a food flavoring, especially to enhance raspberry flavor. It's also found in chewing gum and cigarettes.What is it? Beaver Ass juice! Really, it's the anal juice collected from the castor sac scent glands of beavers & located near the anus. My question, who discovered this ingredient & then had the audacity to tell others about it?! "You know what's delicious? Beaver Ass juice!"
"When I said eat my ass, I didn't mean literally!"

This ingredient is in Jell-o, yogurt, sour cream, candy, wine, beer, tons of stuff. What is it? When I was ten I called up Kraft who produces Jell-o & asked, here's the definition from them. "Gelatin is the hide of any animal used for consumption & is not classified an animal product because the animals used can't be identified." Can't be identified? A 2 year old can identify animals, what is it they don't want us to know?!
That's right, Obama just put horse meat back on the American menu!
Propylene Glycol
It's used in Ice-cream, cake mix, salad dressing to keep a smooth texture. What is it? It's antifreeze.  And now there's a new antifreeze, made from a gelatin protein, that could be added to any frozen food to prevent unappetizing ice crystals from forming. "Oh good because animal skin & anti-freeze in my ice-cream I can deal with but ice crystals, that's disgusting!"
Animal hide & antifreeze, check. Ice-cream here we come!
It's used in cheese & is an enzyme used to encourage even more thickening so that curds form and separate from the whey. What is it? The lining membrane of the 4th stomach of a calf or the stomach of certain young animals. Vegetarians beware it is in a lot of cheeses & is a veal byproduct but you can find vegetable rennet.
Cow, your cheese is delicious but it's missing something... your child!
Brominated Vegetable Oil
It's an emulsifier used in citrus flavored sodas to prevent the flavoring from separating & floating to the surface. What is it? Flame retardant, well I guess this is good for those of us who fear Spontaneous Combustion. Bad for everyone else, overexposure to bromine can cause skin lesions, memory loss and nerve disorders, & in mouse studies, big doses caused reproductive and behavioral problems. Dew was recently sued by a guy saying there was a dead mouse in his Dew, but the Pepsi company explained that's impossible because BVO isn't just flame retardant it also melts mice! WTF? It has been banned in food throughout Europe & Japan.
Flame Retardant & melts mice! What can't Dew Do?!
 Mineral Oil
Used in Candy to give it a glossy finish & to prevent the candy from sticking together, coating on raw fruits & veggies & on baked goods. What is it? Crude Oil! Petroleum people, which is also the source for gasoline!
Oil soaked fish are delicious!

Bon Appetit!