Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Facebook... Keeping It Clean!

So, Last week I posted a link to a news article about Topless Jihad, this article to be exact:

And last night I received an message from facebook saying this post has been removed because it is obscene & if I post anything like this again my account will be deleted. The weirdest part is after I looked at the message it deleted & it's now as if it never existed. Shady facebook, very shady! Isn't that censorship?! It was a news story, but I guess freedom of press doesn't extend to facebook!

So let's take a look at what facebook considers obscene & not:

Obscene! This is just not right. That baby should be ashamed!
Hot Girls... profile picture now this is more like the kind of photos facebook wants us to post, classy ones! Not considered obscene at all?!
A breast cancer survivor who tattooed her chest, obscene & thankfully removed from facebook!
The profile picture from a Horny Girls page, this in no way is degrading to women & perfectly suitable by facebook standards!

This is considered obscene because that man is kicking her, right? Oh no, it's because of the nipples!
Another perfectly fine, by facebook standards, profile picture! 
So basically facebook is saying in a man's world everyone knows woman should only use their breasts in one way, to arouse men! To use them to feed a child, to empower yourself or to fight for equality well that's just plain obscene! Thanks facebook for helping keep women in our place!

Friday, December 7, 2012

Grossest Ingredients in Food

They say you are what you eat. Let's hope not because there's some nasty shit hiding in our food! This is a list of some of the grossest things you didn't realize you were eating.

It's used as a flavoring agent & often found in ice-cream. What is it you ask? It's poop, yup animal feces. Enjoy!
Hold on this is ice-cream tastes like shit!
An amino acid dough conditioner and flavor enhancer in human and pet foods. It's found in breads, bagels & apparently in almost everything at McDonalds. What is it? Human hair! Although duck feathers or hog hair were used when the human hair supply was low. Oh yes, the great hair shortage 06, which coincidentally, fell around the same time as the Rogaine shortage.
And you taught 1 hair in your food was bad!
Used as a food flavoring, especially to enhance raspberry flavor. It's also found in chewing gum and cigarettes.What is it? Beaver Ass juice! Really, it's the anal juice collected from the castor sac scent glands of beavers & located near the anus. My question, who discovered this ingredient & then had the audacity to tell others about it?! "You know what's delicious? Beaver Ass juice!"
"When I said eat my ass, I didn't mean literally!"

This ingredient is in Jell-o, yogurt, sour cream, candy, wine, beer, tons of stuff. What is it? When I was ten I called up Kraft who produces Jell-o & asked, here's the definition from them. "Gelatin is the hide of any animal used for consumption & is not classified an animal product because the animals used can't be identified." Can't be identified? A 2 year old can identify animals, what is it they don't want us to know?!
That's right, Obama just put horse meat back on the American menu!
Propylene Glycol
It's used in Ice-cream, cake mix, salad dressing to keep a smooth texture. What is it? It's antifreeze.  And now there's a new antifreeze, made from a gelatin protein, that could be added to any frozen food to prevent unappetizing ice crystals from forming. "Oh good because animal skin & anti-freeze in my ice-cream I can deal with but ice crystals, that's disgusting!"
Animal hide & antifreeze, check. Ice-cream here we come!
It's used in cheese & is an enzyme used to encourage even more thickening so that curds form and separate from the whey. What is it? The lining membrane of the 4th stomach of a calf or the stomach of certain young animals. Vegetarians beware it is in a lot of cheeses & is a veal byproduct but you can find vegetable rennet.
Cow, your cheese is delicious but it's missing something... your child!
Brominated Vegetable Oil
It's an emulsifier used in citrus flavored sodas to prevent the flavoring from separating & floating to the surface. What is it? Flame retardant, well I guess this is good for those of us who fear Spontaneous Combustion. Bad for everyone else, overexposure to bromine can cause skin lesions, memory loss and nerve disorders, & in mouse studies, big doses caused reproductive and behavioral problems. Dew was recently sued by a guy saying there was a dead mouse in his Dew, but the Pepsi company explained that's impossible because BVO isn't just flame retardant it also melts mice! WTF? It has been banned in food throughout Europe & Japan.
Flame Retardant & melts mice! What can't Dew Do?!
 Mineral Oil
Used in Candy to give it a glossy finish & to prevent the candy from sticking together, coating on raw fruits & veggies & on baked goods. What is it? Crude Oil! Petroleum people, which is also the source for gasoline!
Oil soaked fish are delicious!

Bon Appetit!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

A Salute to Female Inventors

Lately I've heard a lot of people say "Women haven't contributed as much to the world as men. Men invented everything!"

That statement makes me mad because there were female inventors in the past but they call them something different...what was it? Oh yeah...WITCHES!!!
This was just for making dinner taste too good, imagine what would of happened it they'd invented the light-bulb?! 
Not to mention women were not allowed to own property & a patent is intellectual property. Property was owned by the woman's father or husband...that ain't right! So, many women filed patents under their husbands names. Makes you think... never mind stop it, actions like that can get a woman hung!
"Suffrage, why would women want more suffrage?" If that's what you are thinking, congrats you're a moron!
But many women fought hard for women's rights & women did invent some cool stuff:

Josephine Cochrane, invented the dishwasher 1872:
Fuck penicillin, I'd rather have syphilis over doing dishes any day of the week!
Tabitha Babbitt inventer the Circular Saw 1812:
Bad Ass! Bet you thought it was a man.

Grace Hopper invented The Compiler and COBOL Computer Language 1952:

Wow, my grandma didn't even knew how to turn on the computer let alone develop code! You go girl!

Mary Anderson invented the windshield wiper 1903:
OMG, what did people do before they had windshield wipers?! Oh yeah...crash!  

Stephanie Kwolek invented Kevlar 1966:
Shoot for the stars...get it shoot!
Mary Phelps Jacob invented the Modern Brassiere:
Thank you! Without you my tits would sag lower than Larry King's scrotum!
 Marion Donovan invented the disposable diaper 1950:
My Sis-in-law once tried cloth diapers & it was horrific! HORRIFIC!!! This women deserves a Nobel Prize!
So be proud to be a woman & if someone insults you or your gender tell them to "Fuck off" & if that fails, a throat punch always does the trick. Now, I'm not saying I advocate throat punches, I mean I do but I'm not saying that. 
Seriously! We can, scientists created mice pups from 2 female mice. No male mice or sperm were involved in that invention of LIFE. So men be nice or else!
Sure men are winning the invention race but hey they had one hell of a head start. But thanks to the brave women of yesterday, today we enjoy freedom & rights to invent & prosper without all the hurdles like hangings! So go out, invent something & change the world because you can!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Trending now...

And this is why women have body issues!!! Trending topics! It makes you think who are the losers at home causing these to be trending topics? Well, me I guess if I'm looking at them too. Oops!

Trending topics right now on Yahoo:

Audrina Patridge Wows in a Teeny Bikini - what gets me about this story is the comments people leave & how angry they are; "She's gross, too thin, too fat, her boobs are fake, the right one looks bigger than the left, she has a stomach pooch, why's she even famous?" Hilarious considering every average American man would give his right arm to be with her & every average American woman wants to be her... That's why she's famous people because of you & No other reason!!!
A woman who's in shape in a bikini at a pool, has she no shame?! She needs to cover up with at least 50 pounds of fat!
Gisele Bundchen expects baby #2 - comments; "she looks like a man, she's fat, she's too skinny, finally she looks a little bit more like a normal person, I don't think she's pretty at all." Obese people of America don't get mad at her, take your anger out on the treadmill or in a spinning class, use your burning hatred of these people to burn some calories!
She's a supermodel & you're not. Don't hate, appreciate!
And my favorite trending topic right now:

Depression  - LOL, no wonder people are depressed with all the comments people leave, they sure as sugar don't seem happy & self-accepting to me. And as a woman what are we supposed to do with comments that pick apart every inch of beautiful women's bodies. "You're too fat, you're too thin!" My advice stop listening!
Don't cry, girl! They don't mean it, Gisele is beautiful!
There's been a lot of debate online about women's weight & it's all pretty nasty & annoying. There is a healthy weight range & if you're 40 pounds outside of that in either direction... you're not healthy!

I say be healthy, but honestly be healthy, eat right, talk to your doctor & exercise daily. And on the bright-side you don't have to worry about running into any of those nasty commenters at the gym, they don't leave their house, I'm sorry, I mean mom's basement.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Facebook Face!

Is staring down at your smartphone, updating your status making you ugly? Yes, yes it is!

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, out of the goodness of their hearts & with no ulterior motives, warn of the dreaded “smartphone face!” Constantly holding your head down to look at a laptop or smartphone may cause facial skin and muscle to lose elasticity, aka you'll be ugly & no one will love you...ever!

Look at the dreaded peril it has plagued on our youth! According to The Plastic Surgeons they're hideous & perfect candidates for skin-tightening treatments and chin implants!

"Damn you iphone! Damn you!"
"Can you see it if I go like this?!"
"I used to be a ladies man, now I'm just a victim of smartphone face!"
"3 months ago I was a stud but now, thanks to iphone, not even my own mother will look at me!"
"Smartphone face?! Nooooooooo"

"Compassion? Guess I better be nice, I mean who'd love a chin like this?!"
"You like my stripes? They really distract from my chins...damn it why'd I mention my chins?!"

"I stared at my iphone so much my eyes crossed & my jowls went loose! Why wasn't I warned? WHY?!"

"I'll never find a man with my sagging jowls! Plastic Surgeons please help!"

Plastic Surgeons, let me say thank you for protecting our youth from sagging jowls & ugliness!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

July 4th from an Immigrant's POV

I moved to America when I was 8 & the best thing about this country... TV! A TV in every room & you don't have to fear the TV Tax Man, now that's the American Dream! For those of you who don't know what a TV Tax man is, you're lucky! 

"TV Tax Man! The TV Tax Man is coming!"
In Ireland if you own a TV set you have to pay a possession tax. And they are serious about it, they send Inspectors out to do house to house checks. This would send the neighborhood into a frenzy, kids would run up & down the street screaming "TV Tax Man, the TV Tax Man is coming!" And all the adults would run inside & cover their TV sets with whatever they could find. 

"In Ireland it is a prosecutable offense to be found in possession of an unlicensed television set. An Irish TV license costs €160 . Fines for not having a license can be up to €635 for a first offense."

"Now, they'll never see that we have a TV!"
Thank you America for protecting the sanctity of TV! God Bless America! 

Happy 4th of July!

Sunday, July 1, 2012


Every woman I know is rushing out to see "Magic Mike" & the reviews are in... "Best movie ever" Sure the story line may be lacking but who needs a story line when you have Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey & Joe Manganiello gyrating around half naked.

Women are getting all worked up & I predict what I can only call the "Magic Mike Effect"
In April when we see a record number of births we'll know why! Thank you "Magic Mike"

 + 9 months =