Thursday, November 1, 2012

English to English Translation

I just returned home from a trip to England & realized even though they were speaking English I was often lost in translation. So I've decided to translate a few of the words so you don't have to suffer the embarrassment I endured;)
Wait, they're red, white & blue too?! They so copied us!
All over Europe you'll see on the menu, ROCKET SALAD. I ordered it thinking "Wow, it must be out of this world." Boy was I wrong! It was Arugula, plain old Arugula salad! WTF, why would you call Arugula Rocket?!
America Hell Yeah!
This Rocket explodes in your pants not your mouth!

All over Europe people are swapping fags like they're women in Muslim countries. Luckily fags are cigarettes. This is an important word to know because it's heard at least 10 times a day & not knowing it may lead to confusion or a fight... "What did you call me?"... "How did you know?"
Smoking Fag!
Flaming Fag!

In America homely means you were repeatedly hit by the ugly stick but not in Europe it means what we call homey; a cozy nice home. So if someone from Europe says your place is homely it's a compliment & not grounds to bury them in the backyard.
Homely in the UK!
Still Homely in the UK?!

This is one of my favorite words! In Ireland Fierce means very & in the USA Fierce means fabulous & is best said by gay guys. Here are examples. Ireland "It's fierce cold!"   USA "Girl, you look fierce in those shoes!"

Always Fierce!

He's fierce drunk!

Nope, I ain't talking about rugs. In Europe that's still an acceptable term for someone who's from Eastern Asia. And in Europe what we call Middle Eastern they call Asian, makes sense considering they're on the Continent of Asia, right?

Hello Yellow Fever!
What? At least I didn't say Oriental!
Iranians are Asians, who knew?!

So, there you have it. I guess words are just that words and only possess the power & meaning we give to them. Now, I'm off to blow a fag & toss a rocket salad at a homely Oriental's pad, it'll be fierce exciting!